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Fic: The Trauma of Dr. Romance

Title: The Trauma of Dr. Romance
Pairing: Radek/Elizabeth
Beta: em_kellesvig
Summary: John and Rodney lend a hand when Radek wants to give Elizabeth a Valentine's gift.

"What do you mean 'classified', Radek?" Rodney glared. "If there's anything classified in one of my labs, I'd know about it!"

Radek ignored him and just pushed his wire-frame glasses up higher on his nose.

As luck would have it, John picked exactly that moment to walk into the lab. "What's up, guys?"
He walked over to Radek's workbench and seemed immediately taken with the pile of copper and painted metal sitting there.

"It's classified, apparently," Rodney huffed.

"Ah." John picked up a piece of red tubing. "Why, Radek, you sly dog. That's a bold choice. Are you sure about it?"

"What? What's a bold choice?" Rodney grabbed the tubing from John's hand. "And how come I don't know about it."

"It's obvious, Rodney. Radek is making a valentine." John nodded knowingly. "For Elizabeth, I assume?"

"Yes!" Radek snapped. He grabbed the tubing from Rodney's hand. "Why you two should stick your nose in is annoying. Stop please."

Rodney considered the bits and pieces forming an awkward looking lump. "You're making her a mechanical heart?"

"In living color from the looks of it," John said. As soon as Radek looked away, he caught Rodney's eye, and shook his head, no.

Rodney agreed with John wholeheartedly. This was a dating disaster of geek proportions just waiting to happen. Something he was certain he would have realized eventually even without John's cue. Still, it was fascinating. The labor and attention to detail Radek put into all his work was commendable – almost equal to his own. He wondered briefly what Radek intended to use for blood.

John cleared his throat.

"Radek, this is impressive.…" Rodney stopped and tried again. "Knowing you, I'm sure this will be a perfect working, life-sized model, but, um, for romance – are you sure you want to do this?"

Radek's shoulders slumped. "I suspected it was a bad idea, but I am a desperate. My first plan, to ask Major Lorne to help me impress Dr. Weir with something artistic, fell through. He is too busy carting Dr. Parrish to the mainland, which has left me to my own devices."

"Enough of being pathetic, Radek; it doesn't suit you." Rodney snapped his fingers. "Sheppard, can you get some of those smelly candles from Teyla? You know the ones. They're an allergic reaction just waiting to happen."

"You mean the floral scented ones?" John grinned.

"Yes, those. Elizabeth will probably like them."

"Consider it done. How about chocolate?" John asked, well into the spirit of things.

"Oh, good idea. I know just where to get the good stuff. Heightmeyer has an entire stash of the stuff. Can you believe how some people have tried to bribe their way out of their mandatory sessions? She's refusing to give them their candy back until they show up. Lucky for us, my appointment's in an hour."

Rodney clapped his hand down onto Radek's shoulder. "I'm afraid it's beyond even my abilities to turn you into any kind of Casanova on such short notice, but at least Sheppard and I can keep you from embarrassing yourself."

"Why are you helping me?" Radek asked.

"Call it for the good of the science department." John said. "Besides, unhappy geeks tend to make my marines nervous. Seems they're not fans of cold showers and random explosions. Makes them twitchy."

"What do you think, Sheppard, should we try to get some flowers from botany?" Rodney asked.

"Naw. Elizabeth's had a thing about cut flowers ever since she saw the 10,000-year-old dead plants the Ancients left hanging around. Besides, I've got a better idea. You just make sure Radek gets the night off."


"So you kept the cheap American beer and gave the champagne away. Typical."

"Aw, Rodney I don't take it so hard. Besides the champagne came from Dave. In celebration of some new weapons contract acquired by Sheppard industries. It's not like I was going to drink it anyway."

"Weapon's contract. How very Tony Stark of him." Rodney grinned at the sight of John nearly spitting beer out his nose.

"God, no. Do not make me imagine my brother in iron underwear. Besides, Radek and Elizabeth deserve some champagne."

"Speaking of, how do you think his date with Elizabeth is going? You know, I not only gave him the night off, I told him he didn't need to show up at the lab until eight a.m. tomorrow."

"You're a regular Dr. Romance, McKay."

"Seriously though," Rodney continued, "I hope it goes well. He really does like her and Elizabeth could stand to have a little fun."

"Yeah," John agreed. "I heard about how that jackass, Simon, treated her, too."

Rodney felt he waited out the next few moments of silence very patiently. Finally, he couldn’t stand it any longer. "But how will we know? Should we ask?"

"Hold on there, buddy. Gentlemen don't tell and I don't think Elizabeth would take kindly to you asking." John shook his head, solemnly. "I wouldn't risk it."

"Oh. Well, that's disappointing."

"Look," John said, "if Radek shows up late to the lab in the morning, you'll know the date went well. And if he's whistling, it went really, really well."

"So does that mean –?"

John held up his hand. "Stop right there and ask yourself if you actually want to spend time thinking about Radek and Elizabeth having sex."

"God, no," Rodney snapped back, horrified. "That's like thinking about my parents. Nothing good can come from that. Not that I don't think Elizabeth shouldn't have the chance to…she should relax, I mean…unwind from time to time…I just don't want to know about it."

"Then why so curious about…" John finished with a hand gesture Rodney would like to forget.

"I don't want to know about that! I just wanted to find out if there was any chance of getting some of my chocolate back!"



( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Feb. 21st, 2015 07:59 am (UTC)
aww, I love the idea of these two as matchmakers. but especially I love the idea of Radek finally wooing his elusive, brilliant goddess of a woman. :))) YAY!!

ps: I would totally dig an anatomically correct mechanical heart!

Edited at 2015-02-21 08:00 am (UTC)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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